


It’s You, It’s Me, It’s Us

by DiveIn_HeadFirst_CantLose



Category: All Elite Wrestling
Genre: AU, Adam misses Kenny, Adam needs a hug, Angst, Autism and ADHD Kenny (written by someone with both conditions), Canon-Typical Violence, Everyone Needs A Hug, Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Kenny is bad at words, Kota cameo!, M/M, Matt and Nick are trying their best, Not Canon Compliant, Reunited and It Feels So Good, Sexual References, The Bucks are dicks but they do love Kenny so much, We are the elite and we suck at emotions, dysfunction but they work through it!, get healthy coping mechanisms, i also don’t know how neurotypicals think, it’s just a comfort headcanon, ive never even made out with anyone so the kiss scenes will suck, man I wish this had happened but BC reunion is great too, they just aren’t that great at it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-13 18:46:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28658184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DiveIn_HeadFirst_CantLose/pseuds/DiveIn_HeadFirst_CantLose
Summary: Adam can’t watch Kenny get hurt. He doesn’t know what they are, what any of this means, but he does know that Kenny needs saving, and he needs it now.
Relationships: Kenny Omega/"Hangman" Adam Page
Comments: 20
Kudos: 23





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [justLo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/justLo/gifts).



Adam's heart is breaking, watching from the monitor. He knows he shouldn't, but he can't help it. He knows that he's just torturing himself, watching from the back, but he does it all the same. 

Just a few months ago they were inseparable. 

He was Adam's best friend in the world, the person he trusted more than anyone else, the person he had practically bared his soul to. He hadn't been afraid to admit his flaws to Kenny, and Kenny to him.

He had told him things that nobody else knew, opening the door that he had kept closed. He'd cleared the thorns that surrounded his heart, all for him, letting himself care about someone for the first time in so long.

They took care of each other. Whether Kenny was on the edge of a violent breakdown or Adam was having a depressive spell, or both at once, they had always had each other to lean on, to run to. They always had a strong pair of arms to hold them and tell them it would all be okay.

Each of them had learned the hard way that pretty lies such as those cost you a price far bigger than just the breath wasted upon uttering them. The curse of false hope is always more than you ever bargained for. 

They were champions, by fighting side by side. He had loved every second he spent with Kenny, the air charged with a warm, electric energy. The world felt brighter and livelier than he could ever have imagined.

But it wasn't built to last. The codependency took a toll on them both, one neither of them had been expecting when they first started out. 

It was almost funny, how different the memories looked from this perspective. What had once been viewed through rose-tinted glasses was now clear. 

What had once been a gesture seen as caring and affectionate became toxic and desperate. 

The way Kenny would hide the alcohol or tell the staff not to serve him in an effort to protect him. It had once been the sweetest thing to him, a little thing that showed that Kenny was his friend. But now? It was sending him hurtling towards the crippling realisation that he has a problem, and he's filled with fear when he realises just how little of the past year that he can remember. 

The way he would ignore the hurtful words Kenny would say when he was upset. He would let him try to push him away, to get him to leave, just rubbing his back to get him through it. 

Sometimes Kenny would lash out physically, but he would always snap out of it not long after, breaking into hysterical tears and begging Adam to leave him, to go, so he can't hurt him anymore.

Even when he knew he didn't mean to, it still hurt, and the words still cut deep.

Before, he thought that sticking by his side was done out of loyalty, but now, he felt more like a victim.

They had never been good for each other. 

But goddammit do they need each other.

Sometimes the past makes more sense with the context of the future, and with that context, he supposes that they were more than friends since the beginning. Friends don't sleep in the same bed every night, falling asleep with their legs tangled and chests pressed together. Friends don't get jealous the way Adam does when Ibushi comes up in conversation.

They weren't best friends either. Even best friends don't know each other as intimately as they do. Best friends don't know every scar and mark on the other's body, like a priceless tapestry they've studied all their lives. Best friends don't leave barely-there kisses on the other's neck, making them gasp as they while away the boring evening in their hotel room. 

There wasn't really a word for what they were to each other, but they sure as hell weren't just friends. 

Adam has been so focused on protecting Kenny, that he had completely neglected himself. Kenny had done the same, and that had made it even less okay. They were like chemicals badly reacting, and the poison was both addicting and distracting. 

They had each been borderline abusive to one another, not out of malicious intent, but out of ignorance. He wants to fix everything, because he knows that as long as they hold onto each other, they won't drown in the sea of despair. 

But Kenny had already let him go, and he was drowning. Maybe he was trying to protect Adam from him.

He could feel the water rushing in his lungs. He wished Kenny had at least done him the courtesy of holding his head underwater. A final gift to last, a fitting end to their tale.

Adam didn't want protecting. Kenny was a sweeter vice than the one he was notorious for, and he didn't want the high to ever fade away. He just wants Kenny. It's all he wants.

He needs to know what's happening out there. He needs to know whether his loss meant anything at all. He needs to know whether he even has a chance of making it to the surface.

He comes back out of his head, watching the monitor closely.

Kenny isn't looking good. Adam knows him well, well enough to know every little tell. He can read him like the lyrics to a song he's heard a thousand times, as familiar as his own face in the mirror.

He notices the slight falter before he leaps from the turnbuckle, he sees the shaky way he's breathing, he sees the slight tremors in his hands before they lock up once more. It's all telling him that Kenny is exhausted and hurt and scared.

Adam hopes he wins. At least then, this loss, this ultimate low he doesn't think he can ever return from, will mean something.

He needs it to mean something. 

There are deep bags under his eyes, and his normally neat stubble is a bit rougher than usual. His skin is more sallow than usual, and his eyes look sunken. He looks like he's already drowned. He feels like he's drowned too.

Is he dead?

Sometimes he thinks so. 

He touched his neck to check his pulse. He feels the steady beating, a little faster than he expected. No, he's still alive, even though he can feel ghost and ghouls wrapping around his head.

He's stood off to the side in the hallway, biting his lip as he watched Kenny take a bad bump on the outside. 

Adam winced as Jon Moxley dropped Kenny on his head. The paradigm shift.

The camera had picked up the dull thud of impact, Kenny's head colliding with the concrete floor. It was sickening, there was no other word for the raw dread the sight had filled him with. There was no blood, but the look in Kenny's eyes told him that there was nobody home.

He nervously sips at the whiskey in his glass, hoping it will still his nerves, make the sudden nausea go away. He's long since learned that it won't, but right now that hope is all he's got. He knows his hand is shaking, and he doesn't even try to still it. There's no one there to see him like this anyway.

Referees are surrounding Kenny, and he can feel his mind clouding with panic. He scrubs a hand over his face, as if trying to wipe the scene from his memory.

Even though he knew that he meant absolutely nothing to Kenny, he couldn't stand by and let his 'friend' get hurt. He just couldn't. Kenny was visibly concussed, but the match hadn't stopped yet. He was allowed to be upset.

He downs the remaining contents of his glass, for courage that he knows it won't give him.

Soon his feet are moving before he can stop them. He's sprinting down the ramp, heading down the little set of steps to the ringside area. He's headed straight for Kenny, who's still there on his hands and knees, barely able to keep upright. His elbows keep buckling. He ducks down, expecting an attack, but Adam just places a gentle hand on the small of his back. 

"Stop the match, he's hurt!" Adam demanded, pushing past a referee and crouching next to Kenny. He could hear the desperation in his voice as soon as the words left his lips. 

"I'm fine, I can do it, I can continue." Kenny's words were slurred as he piped up, and his eyes were a little bit vacant, as if he were daydreaming. He was trying to crawl back to the ring, but there was no strength left in his arms.

The referee shrugs with a slight grimace. "You heard him, he wants to continue. Let him be."

"You idiots, it doesn't matter what he says, just look at him! He's hurt!" He gestures rather aggressively at Kenny.

"There's nothing we can do." 

Moxley gets tired of waiting for Kenny, and shoves the officials aside to reach Kenny, before he drags him back into the ring. Adam reaches forward, but he can't jeopardise this for Kenny by getting involved.

So, he watches from the ring apron, certain Kenny is unconscious from the blows raining down on his head. He grips his glass a little tighter, hoping Mox will be somewhat merciful and make it quick so Kenny could get the medical attention he clearly needs.

He finds himself suddenly crying out. It's a single, short sentence.

"Hey, don't do it, please!"

The words slip out of his mouth without his consent, as he reaches out. Its desperate and raw and emotional. He doesn't think he can stop him, but he'd be damned if he didn't try.

Moxley's head turned and he let go of Kenny's hair, standing and walking over, getting in his face, almost squaring up to him. Adam knew he had bitten off far more than he could chew, but he couldn't find it in himself to care right now. 

"He's hurt! You win, whatever, he's clearly hurt!" He cried out, desperately. He feels like he's going to be sick. The feelings twisting in his gut are too intense, he's overwhelmed. The lights are so bright that it's making his knees feel weak.

Moxley shook his head, turning away. That pitiful expression was just too much for him. He wouldn't allow the tears in the cowboy's eyes to alter his judgement, not when he had a reputation to protect. Not when he had a job to finish.

Adam grabbed his arm. He hadn't thought about the motion, it just happened. Some part of him knew that it was the right thing to do. He could at least buy Kenny some time while he dealt with Mox.

A fist cracks into his jaw, and he stumbles.  
The punch from Moxley hurts, but it was bearable. A warning shot, a reminder to stay down, and out of business that wasn't his. He puts his arm back to break the fall, but he's not quite fast enough. He curses a little upon impact.

Moxley hadn't hesitated to lay him out. Adam hadn't expected him to, but he had hoped that they could talk it out, even though neither of them were really the type. 

He's still holding the empty glass in one hand as he lays there, groaning in pain and rubbing his aching jaw. He stays there on his back for a moment, looking up at the lights.

Eventually he turns his head to look at Kenny. He's up on his hands and knees now, crawling slightly closer to the both of them. His movements are unsteady and uncoordinated as he tries to find something, anything that will give him an edge. 

They make eye contact for a brief moment. 

He wants to help, he feels like he has to. Kenny's eyes, so blue they are almost violet, are pleading and desperate. He can feel the pit in his stomach growing. He knows what he should do. He should go to the back and forget this ever happened.

But he doesn't. That's just not who he is. He's loyal to a fault, and even though Kenny had pushed him away, that is still where his loyalties lie.

His mind is racing a mile a minute, trying to think of things to do. He sees the glass in his hand, he can feel it's familiar weight. 

He rolls the glass across the canvas. Kenny looks at him, surprised. It's the most clarity he's seen in those eyes since the fall. He reaches out, quickly taking the glass, shielding it from Moxley's view.

When Moxley pulled him up, Kenny hit him over the head with the glass, pouring all of his remaining strength into this one attack. He wasn't going to throw away his shot, his one chance at glory.

The glass shattered, exploding out into crystalline shards. Kenny staggered back, grabbing onto the ropes for dear life, trying desperately to just stay on his feet. 

Moxley is rapidly crawling back, and Adam could see the small shards of glass embedded in his forehead. There were plenty in Kenny's right hand too, but he had the fortune to be riding the wave of an adrenaline high.

Blood is dripping down Moxley's forehead, running down his face and onto his collar. He's in the corner, trying to use the ropes to get to his feet. 

Kenny seizes the opportunity, delivering a v-trigger. He takes a couple steps back, letting Moxley get to his feet, allowing himself the time to get some air back into his lungs. 

The burst of pure adrenaline makes him feel invincible, but he knows better than to grow arrogant at such a crucial point. He lowers his kneepad. It's there to protect his knee, but had also somewhat protected Moxley's face from that same knee.

He delivers another, pushing off with the left foot and striking with his right knee, sending him stumbling back into the corner. 

He sets him up for the one winged angel as fast as he can. He can't count on the other man staying dazed for much longer. He drives him down onto the shards of glass still on the canvas, and makes the cover.

It's a three count, and he can hardly believe it. 

Adam rushes into the ring, helping him to his feet. Kenny puts an arm around his shoulders, still dazed. The adrenaline is still buzzing through his veins, and it's like he can't even think anymore. 

He raises the title, and Adam leads him backstage, and out the door, but not before grabbing their gear. Marvez tried to interrogate them in the parking lot, but Adam is focused on helping Kenny into the car. 

"Where are you going?"

"To get my friend some medical help." Adam said, slamming the door to the taxi. Kenny was coming down from the high, and he was shaking. 

Before now, Kenny would have wrapped his arms around his shoulders and rested his head on his shoulder, curling up at his side. But now, there was a seat between them, and Kenny was silent, looking out of the window for the full, uncomfortable ride.

They were up in Kenny's room, before he finally broke. He was sat on his bed, cross-legged

"Why did you do it?" Kenny asked, digging at the chips of glass in his hand, trying to remove them, but only pushing them deeper into his skin. The hurt felt good. It filled the silence, and quieted the hurricane in his head.

When Adam didn't speak a word, he spoke again.

"Was it revenge? So you can say my win depended on you?" The disdain in his voice is palpable.

Adam sighed, and looked over at him. He was staring up out the window, at the stars. He knew what, or who, he was likely longing for. What he was looking at said more than words could. Stars that reminded him of golden days that had long since faded to grey.

Adam scrambled to find words to explain what he felt, hoping he wouldn’t come up totally dry. He joined him on the bed by the window, facing them both. 

"No, Kenny... I did it because...” He swallows thickly. “You deserve it. You deserve everything."

There was a silence. 

They had done everything out of order. Adam hadn't been embarrassed before, not when they were sharing the most intimate parts of themselves, but he was afraid of 3 little words?

"I love you." 

It was a weight off Adam’s chest, to get them out in the open. He just hoped it wouldn’t jeopardise what little he had left. 

Kenny looked at him, soft lips parted slightly in shock. He doesn't bother searching for the words, he knows he'll never find them. 

He gently lifts his hand to graze Adam's cheek. His fingertips are rough and calloused from hours spent in the ring. He leans in slowly, slow enough for Adam to back out if he wants to. He doesn’t want to, he wants to feel this more than anything. 

Adam leans in, and their lips meet. It's slow and sweet and deep, a non-verbal confession of love. They've kissed before, of course they have. But they had been rough, all teeth and tongue, deliberately intended to muffle any sounds that could leak through the thin hotel walls. 

This was different. It's just the gentle brush of their lips moving together, a silent declaration. Both of Kenny's hands are on his face,it's all that matters to him. The world is just him and Kenny, and no star in the sky could ever compare to the feeling. His whole world, his universe, his everything, the man he needs like air to breathe, is in his arms.

Kenny’s hands shift to hold his wrists. It's only then that he realises how Kenny has him pinned to the bed as he kissed him. Kenny didn’t want to stop, and that was fine by him. He would never get tired of kissing kenny.

"You're twice as beautiful every time I see you." Kenny breathed into the silence between their parted lips. The words fill his stomach with butterflies, and he’s blushing. Kenny was practically sticking his tongue down his throat, and the cheesy line is what makes him blush? 

He’s not really that surprised. He knows what Kenny can do with his mouth, he’s had a comprehensive list of demonstrations, but he’s never heard anything quite like Kenny’s breathless voice whispering sweet poetry against his lips. 

They’re both still panting when he captures him in another soft kiss. 

Kenny’s cerulean eyes flutter shut, and when they open again, they are filled with nothing but love. It’s a look that is so intense, yet so gentle. Just like the man behind the gaze. 

Kenny rolls off him, still panting, more from the emotional exertion than anything. It’s been a long time since he’s been honest with his feelings.

“Stay.” He whispers, weakly, sounding small, and vulnerable.

“I’m not going anywhere, darlin. I’m right here.”


	2. Chapter 2

Kenny wakes in a cold sweat. He's used to it by now, he's had enough nightmares to last a lifetime, but it never gets any better. It's always tough, and he feels weak for not being over things that happened a long time ago. 

He had known it was coming, too, and it had still taken him totally by surprise. He had expected to be betrayed, it had happened to every Bullet Club leader. He'd even known that it would be Cody, but it hadn't softened the blow. 

For some reason, that incident had never faded from his memory. His time as that alternate persona he had created for himself had blurred the lines between the fiction he had created, and the reality that he lived. It had made the gap between the man who he pretended to be and his true self close until what had once been a vast distance, become an overlap. 

Kenny had become a walking contradiction. A man made of two halves. 

Himself, and the persona he had created. 

He was paranoid, yet a little too trusting. Guarded yet emotional. He could use and betray someone that doesn't care about him without any remorse or hesitation. AJ, for example. He hadn't had any trouble hurting him. It had been easy, he'd never gotten worked up about it. No reason to, AJ meant nothing to him.

But somebody like Kota... he couldn't. He couldn't harm someone who cared about him. He couldn't harm someone who loved him so recklessly. Someone who, despite his copious flaws, decided that he was worth fighting for. The guilt would eat him up inside if he did it. One look is all it would take to stay his hand, time had proved that much. 

Kenny wasn't good at shaking off old feelings, good or bad. That was the reason he was awake right now. That was the reason he was still dwelling on Bullet Club. That was the reason he's still thinking about Kota.

He remembers the breaking point as clear as day. The very moment that it had all fallen to pieces, the very moment that his whole world had been violently turned upside down. 

The wounds from the war that Cody had started hadn't yet faded. They hadn't even healed yet. They were infected and open and weeping. They weren't just his wounds either. 

He looked down at Adam. 

He was talking in his sleep again. It was a fractured half of an argument, one Kenny remembered well. The New beginning in Sapporo, 2018.

He knew Adam had just been doing what he thought was right. They'd had such a warped perception of right and wrong back then.

He can't be upset with him for that, and at least he came away relatively unscathed. The guilt still got to him some days, and he wondered if that was the root of his alcoholism. He hoped not, it would be easier on them both if this wasn't Kenny's fault. 

Even back then, Kenny had felt a great deal of affection for the man, even if he had only had eyes for Kota.

Even the positive memory from that night was bitter now. He felt like thinking about Ibushi at all, in any capacity, was dishonest. Like he was cheating on Adam. The thought made him feel ill.

He switched on his phone to check the time, but that thought slips to the back of his mind as he saw his notifications. He's got so many missed calls. From Matt, Nick, Cody. Even Tony Khan. He'll reply to Tony, that's his boss, but he's not in the mood to talk to anyone in the Elite right now.

He scrolls through his texts. He starts with Cody. He's still scared half to death of the guy, but he really doesn't want to click on the Elite group chat right now.

Kenny, what's going on? Where are you? Was this planned? Call me as soon as you're free. It think we need to have a little chat.

Since it was from Cody, it came across as extremely ominous and threatening, but he knew that was his mind playing tricks on him, and he made sure to remind himself of that fact as he returned to his contacts list.

That wasn't so hard. 

Well, it was, but lying to himself was the only way to get the job done these days. He opens the Elite groupchat. 54 missed calls and 213 texts. That's a lot to get through. 

He starts to read. 

Kenny what the fuck

Kenny

Kenny this is not fucking funny

Call me as soon as you get this

Kenny?!

What the hell happened out there?!

You're still talking to him?!

Did you plan this?

Fucking call us! 

Kenny you better be fucking with us

He puts his phone down and scrubs a hand over his face. That's enough for now, his mind can't take anymore of this, he doesn't want to fall too far, not again. He hates the way he can spiral so easily, back into that headspace he once used to cope.

The Cleaner.

A man who knew nothing of loyalty, and lacked a moral code. He ruled the heavyweight division with an iron fist in a black leather glove. The kind of leader you should fear, the kind that it's pointless to fight.

The definition of insanity, both poised and erratic, his words and demeanour were both elegant and deadly, like an intricately carved blade.

The Cleaner was intelligent and cerebral, able to take apart his opponent with anything from meticulous schemes to a single word. He left his opponents forever changed, and not often for the better. He would leave them questioning everything. Their morals, their accomplishments. 

It was a game, to the Cleaner.

Playing on the feelings of his opponents, and even his allies if they questioned him. The Cleaner was so effortlessly manipulative that it brings him endless entertainment, makes him feel giddy with raw power. He marvels at just how much control he has over everyone around him, how just a few faked words could fool so many. 

The Cleaner changed the game, playing by his own rules that no one dared challenge.

Kenny was very different from the Cleaner. The Cleaner was nothing but a projection, a defence mechanism. 

He doesn't want to become the Cleaner again.

He doesn't want to trouble Adam by waking him, so he just stares out of the window. The city is still sleeping, the streets are dead quiet. He just sits there and watches as the sun breaks over the horizon.

He cries for a while. He needs to. The tears pour down his cheeks, beyond his control. The sobs wrack his chest, but he barely makes a sound. The early hours of the morning pass him by. His whole body hurts from the match last night, and the tears aren't helping.

Adam wakes up earlier than expected, while he's still letting out the sobs he didn't know he had been holding back. He immediately sat up, looking at him with a worried expression. That voice in his head whispered that it isn't real, that he can't trust those eyes. But he wants to.

"Kenny, love, do you need a hug?" His voice is soft. It's comforting, he wants to hear it again. Sometimes Kenny freaks out a little if you touch without warning. It's too much when his senses are already overwhelmed and he's on hyper-alert. Neither of them really understand it, but they don't need to. They know how to make sure it doesn't get any worse, and that's enough.

They've been in this situation before. Well, he supposes it's not the exact same. Their relationship is different now, but the fundamentals are extremely similar.

Sometimes Kenny just... snaps. Sometimes he's had enough, all those emotions he suppresses pile up. Most wouldn't think he was suppressing anything, since Kenny is a rather expressive person, but that was just another one of the contradictions that made him the enigma that he was.

The breakdowns have happened after every pay per view since they've been tagging together. Revolution stuck out the most though. Normally, he could have called Matt and Nick for help, but that night, Kenny was afraid of them. He hadn't been mad, or hurt. He'd been scared. 

He had been shaking like a leaf, hiding in his chest like a child as he sobbed. Adam had rocked back and forth, trying to settle him. But it had been hard, when he was crying too.

Adam never judges him, never makes any stupid or insulting comments like 'are you alright?'

All it took was a glance to answer a question like that. He asked the right questions, said all the right things. He always did. 

Kenny just opened his arms, sobbing so hard he could barely breathe. Adam took him into his embrace, holding him close to his chest. He was warm and gentle, and Kenny felt so safe. He hadn't felt this safe since... well. Him.

Kenny could hear Adam's heartbeat, fast and nervous. Adam was worried about him, and that meant he cared. You can't fake that, it means he's telling the truth. He really does love him.

Adam's hand rubbed small circles on his back, comfortingly, trying to help him wind back down. He'd no clue what got him so worked up, but knew Kenny wasn't in the mood to tell him. 

To be honest, he wasn't in the mood to hear it. He might do something reckless. Kenny would tell him later, if and when he was ready to talk about it. If he didn't want him to know, it probably wasn't his business. He trusted that Kenny would tell him honestly if something was really wrong.

"Shh... shhh..." he soothed, rubbing his back "I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere. I'm not gonna leave you, don't you worry." He reassured softly.

Kenny melted into his embrace. He aches all over, but the warmth of Adam's touch and the comfort it brings helps with the pain. Kenny's phone is buzzing every few seconds, and he nuzzled in deeper in an attempt to block it out, before mumbling into his chest.

"I'll need you to repeat that for me, darlin', I cant hear you." He said, gently, loosening his grip on Kenny so he could pull away a little. Kenny looks up at him. Those baby blue eyes he adores so much are shining with unshed tears, and his heart feels heavy with love and concern

"It's just... Matt and Nick. Lots of angry texts... I spiralled." He confessed through his sniffles.

"Why didn't you wake me, Angel?" He said softly, tilting Kenny's head to look at him, brushing away a tear with the pad of his thumb.

"I didn't want to be a burden." Kenny looked away, silently. 

"Now you look at me, Kenny. You are never a burden. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me and I love you. I'm here for you, and if you ever need me, I'm here."

"It's just-" he started, but Adam interrupted him. 

"Kenny, what would you want me to do if I was crying? Wake you or let you sleep?"

"Wake me, of course! I'd never want you to be alone through that- oh. Oh..." his eyes widened in realisation and Adam gave him a benevolent smile.

"Exactly... treat yourself with the same kindness you'd show me. You deserve it. You deserve everything." He said, clearly meaning every word.

"I love you, Adam. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for everything." He presses a short kiss to his lips, and Adam smiled as he pulls away, the words sinking in.

"I love you too, Angel."

"You shouldn't... harbour any guilt about what happened with Bullet club. You were doing what you thought was right with the information you had at the time, and even though the Bucks might, I know that I can't hold that against you. I think that sometimes they forget... I'm no saint. I make mistakes, I have regrets."

"How did you know I was worrying about that..?"

"You talk in your sleep." Kenny told him. "I think you had a nightmare, I recognised some snippets from New beginning in Sapporo, in 2018."

"How do you remember something like that? It's so specific..."

"That night is hard to forget..." He said gently, pulling his knees up to his chest.

"Yeah... a lot happened that we'd rather forget." Adam agreed quietly.

Kenny took his hand, a silent signal that he understood, that it was going to be alright. Bonding over shared trauma was one of Kenny's many talents.

The event was familiar to them both. The day he and Kota reunited and fell in love all over again. In fact, he'd say he'd never really fallen out of love with Kota.

The day Cody snapped. The day Adam picked which side he was on. The day they became enemies.

"I wish I could go back and change it." Adam said. "I wish I could have kept you safe." 

Kenny sighed. He wished he could change it too. He wished he could have held Kota a little bit longer. He feels sick again, thinking of him. He knows he shouldn't. He knows it. So why can't he stop?

He shakes it off. Right now, there is no place he would rather be, than right there with Adam

"Adam, I still had unresolved feelings. It would have been toxic for us both. Let's not dwell on the what-ifs. It only hurts." He gave a weak smile.

"Yeah, you're right." Adam agreed. If anyone knew how that must feel, he was sure it would be Kenny. That's advice he's absolutely willing to take. 

"We're here now, and what's done is done. Only thing you can do is change the present."

"That's rather profound." Kenny grinned, a genuine smile this time. Its infectious, and it's certainly much better than the weak attempt he had given moments ago.

"I know, I just thought of it. No idea where it came from." Adam admitted. "We should get going, yeah? Get some of this out of your system."

Kenny nodded. "You always know how to make me feel better."

They shared a quick kiss, before Adam left to change. He had a change of clothes in his bag, which was in Kenny's room with them. 

When Adam came back, Kenny was wearing his shirt. Well, it was one of his merch shirts, the one with 'Anxious Millennial Cowboy' emblazoned on it, but either way, he blushed. 

"What do you think?"

"Suits you." He did his best not to stutter, and Kenny giggled. It was a sound he had never heard from the other man, and he was desperate to hear again.

"What?" Adam asked. "It makes sense. You fit the description pretty well."

"What, anxious millennial cowboy?" Kenny smirked over his shoulder as they walked down to the gym.

"Yeah, it fits. You're anxious, a millennial, and I'm workin' on the cowboy part." He winked playfully as he held the door open for Kenny. He hadn't quite noticed the innuendo, it was intended as nothing more than a playful remark.

"Adam!" Kenny yelled, a little startled, blushing. He was normally a little on the shy side, so it was more likely to be Kenny who would say something like that in public. Of course he had caught it, god knows what he's into.

"Wait no-" Adam started to laugh, so hard he couldn't get the words out. "that's not what I-"

Kenny joined him in his hysterics, and they have to sit down before they can even start working out. They laugh together until a voice rings out through the gym.

"Kenny, finally!" Nick yelled. "We've been looking eve-"

Matt interrupts his little brother. "What the fuck is going on with you?! What was that stunt? How long has this been going on?"

Kenny froze, and Adam moved a hand to his shoulder, to comfort him. Then he stood, taking a step forward to face them both.

"It's me you need to talk to. Kenny didn't do anything wrong-" He said, calmly, trying to start a reasonable conversation.

"Fuck off." Matt snarled. "He doesn't love you. All you are to Kenny is a replacement for Kota. It's all you're good for, and you can't even do that! You'll never fill that hole in his heart."

Hangman opened his mouth to speak, but hesitated. Those words had struck a nerve, and he sputtered, trying to find words. Kenny shoves in front of him, keeping an arm in front of him, as if... protecting him. He feels his heart swell a little despite the situation.

"Shut up!" Kenny glares. "you never liked Kota. You were always uncomfortable with anyone I had even the slightest interest in! You need to learn some fucking boundaries!"

Matt is taken aback. They never fight. And when they do, Kenny hides away, he never inserts himself into the confrontation. 

"Half of being a decent friend is just showing up! And you couldn't even do that. Adam saw that I was hurt and tried to protect me! Because he actually gives two shits about my wellbeing."

"Slipping you the glass was not protecting you! You're losing your way again!"

"No. I'm not. I was, but you know who found me? You know who was there for me unconditionally, no matter what I said to him or how I treated him, the way you both should have been? The way you promised to be?"

"Kenny, that's not fair and you know it! We're your best friends, we've always been there for you. Even when you were fucking crazy." Nick retorted. 

"Oh yeah? What about New Beginning 2018? Remember that? When you came running to my rescue? Oh wait..." Kenny knew it wasn't quite fair, but he also didn't really care right now. 

"Adam was the one holding you still for the chair!" 

"And you're just as guilty as he is. He was manipulated by Cody. You guys, were just assholes." Kenny muttered

"Kenny, you need us. We're family." Matt's voice is a lot more faint now. The anger has burned out.

"Well... maybe I don't want that anymore." Kenny looked down before looking at Adam.

"How could you say that?!" Matt said, incredulous

"When Adam was clearly suffering from an addiction that wasn't his fault, and he made a mistake, you cast him out. You should have been there for him more than ever."

"You can't leave us Kenny, we built this place together! We built ourselves together."

"Maybe we did. But I don't think who I am and what you see are the same person anymore."

"Kenny..."

"I need some time. Please... leave me be." 

He laces his fingers with Adam's, and they walk over to some of the machines.


	3. Chapter 3

Adam was watching Kenny, concerned. 

He had been training relentlessly for hours now, refusing point blank to take a break. He was drenched in sweat and visibly exhausted, but he just kept going, even though his now damp curls were plastered to his forehead, and he could barely stay upright, let alone lift the kind of weights he was attempting. 

Kenny always pushes himself far past his limits when he's upset. Working out is one of the few things that quiets the constant him of thoughts in his mind. Kenny, as is in his nature, always takes things way overboard, working until he  
can't do any more. Overdoing things is just another one of the things Kenny excels at.

He knew it was an escape for him, a coping mechanism, but he just couldn't stop worrying that this brutal and rigorous training routine could cause so much damage to his body. Not to mention that it didn't seem all that healthy emotionally.

He hates seeing Kenny all worked up to the point he works himself to a breaking point, trying to cover that ache in his heart with the ache in his muscles. He often grows reckless in the ring at times like this, and he knows that if he allows this to go on, that is where Kenny is headed. 

Adam walks over to him, and puts a hand on his shoulder. Kenny is still gasping for air, trying to replace the lost energy. 

"That's enough now, Angel." He says, gentle but firm. He doesn't want to argue over it, he just wants what's best for Kenny. 

Adam knows he will listen, because Kenny trusts him. They trust each other. Just as Adam will stop drinking if Kenny says he's had enough, Kenny will trust his word if Adam says he is overworking himself.

He raised the water bottle to Kenny's lips, and Kenny gratefully took a long drink. It made him feel a little better. Adam smiled at him, and his knees felt all weak. 

"Good boy." he whispered affectionately. 

It was hard to tell if he was blushing when he was already flushed from the heat. His legs were wobbly from the exertion, and Adam made sure to keep an arm around him to stop him from falling. 

"I think that's enough for one day." He said gently, pressing a quick kiss to his temple. Kenny nods slightly. He doesn't want to talk right now, and that's alright.

They walk back to the hotel, taking the elevator to the floor Kenny's room was on. Adam stays close to Kenny. He knows he's fussing a little, but he's worried. Kenny actually likes it. It reminds him he's loved.

When they've organised their things, they each just lay there in each other's arms. The silence is comforting, nothing but their breathing. The physical contact was soothing, comforting. 

They both needed it, needed to know that they are loved and that someone is there, that they aren't all alone. They have each other to hold onto through all this.

It's all been a little too much lately. 

Kenny's constantly swirling mind feels much more still now. He likes it that way. When it swirls he can't stop thinking, thinking, thinking. Like a clock that wont stop ticking, the thoughts are never ending and they drive him right to the cusp of madness.

The thoughts could be anything, good things or bad things. Sometimes he finds something new and obsesses for days on end, before finding something else to obsess over. Sometimes it's a move, sometimes it's a game, sometimes it's an anime, sometimes it's a person, place or thing. 

Whatever his current fixation is, the running train of thought is always there. It never goes away. Sometimes it slows, or quiets down to the point that he doesn't notice it, but it's always lingering in the back of his head, like a distant doubt. 

Over the years, he's tried many different ways to deal with it. Multitasking, trying to work until he's too tired to think. Nothing works, not totally. He's learned to live with it, but it makes everything so difficult. 

He tries to think of Adam. His touch, his embrace, how happy he feels right now in his arms. It's beautiful and perfect.

His head rests on Adam's chest, and he just listens. His breathing, his heartbeat. His muscles are tired, and they ache, but the way Adam's hand absentmindedly cards through his hair made him feel like he was floating. Untethered, in a vast, open ocean. 

He felt safer, wearing Adam's shirt too, as if it were some kind of bulletproof vest. Like it would shield him from anything that could possibly go wrong.

It had been left in his room one night, back when they had been making use of the spare room keys for late night rendezvous. Kenny had chosen to just keep the shirt. A little memento of a night well spent. 

Adam's hand toyed with his curls as he smiled down at him. It made him feel warm and soft. Loved. It feels good to be so close to him again. After All Out, he thought he would never have this kind of love again. He thought he would be all alone forever, he was ready to be alone, he had accepted it.

And then Adam waltzed into his life, doing what he always did. Protecting him, looking out for him, being a far better friend than he had ever deserved. He was always looking out for his best interests, walking him back to the hotel when he had pushed himself a little too far, icing the bruises from their matches.

When he was about to go off the deep end, Adam was the kind stranger that put his hand on his shoulder and told him not to jump, and that everything would work out if he just kept holding on.

God, what had he done, trying to leave someone like that? It's not even the first time he's run screaming from love. What is he so afraid of? Is he afraid of love? 

As light and soft as he feels, he can't stop dwelling on the thought that he was terrible for ever hurting Adam. He hates how he overthinks. He hates the intrusive thoughts that urge him to do things. They're always cruel. His mind is always cruel to him.

Is that who he really is? Is he really a terrible person? He barely knows where the lies stop and where he begins. He feels so lost. 

The Cleaner had been a defence mechanism, an illusion to protect himself, but now he was trapped too, unable to to find himself. The deception runs so deep that Kenny didn't know what was real and fake anymore, and it was the most terrifying feeling that he had ever experienced.

Another one of those stupid thoughts enters his head. What if he loses Matt and Nick because of this? 

The two men were practically family to him. They had been road buddies. They'd shared beds and bad fast food, they'd huddled for warmth in freezing hotels, they had sung bad karaoke at the top of their lungs at the start of a 5 hour drive to the next state. They had grown up together. They were, and always would be, a big part of Kenny. 

Was Adam really worth losing people like that?

He hears a voice that isn't the one in his head calling out to him. It's saying his name, once, then twice. It's faint, and it echoes, as if he were hearing it from the end of a long tunnel. 

He hears his name a third time. The voice's concern is growing, and by the fifth time, he feels a tapping on his shoulder.

He comes back to himself and sees the worry in Adam's eyes. It eats away at him, he feels the guilt gnawing at his stomach.

It's only then, when he's back in the real world, that he realises that he's breathing strangely, like he's been deprived of air. His eyes had been vacant unblinking marbles that stared somewhere into the distance.

He could feel the blankets under him, he can feel his body. He feels like he exists, and that's an improvement from just a few moments ago. 

He doesn't know why he had disassociated like that, but he knows that he doesn't like it. He can't stop thinking. He tries to think happy thoughts, he really tries. If he has to keep thinking he wants them to be happy thoughts.

Happy thoughts. Adam. Alright, he's doing well. That's a happy thought, he loves Adam. Adam holding him, making him feel safe, whispering sweet nothings into his ears. There's another happy thought. Keep thinking happy thoughts. Adam kissing him, all slow and sweet and kind, like he always does. 

Adam leaving. 

No, thats not a happy thought, he wants to stop. Adam realising that someone, anyone else is better than him. That's not happy either, but it just won't stop. He can feel himself spiralling further

"I'm okay." Kenny managed to say, faintly. Another lie, another tangled string of deception joining the web of deceit. 

He hates lying to Adam, but he can't burden him with everything that is in his mind. As much as Adam says he's never a burden, he knows that he is. He's just a burden Adam is willing to bear. He shouldn't be, he just makes everything so much worse.

Adam looked down. He hates being lied to, Kenny knows that, and yet he still did. Just moments ago he was gasping and shaking for no discernible reason. Their relationship relies on the trust they have in each other. They put their lives, their hearts, everything, in each other's hands. They should be able to trust each other. Kenny should be able to trust him with this.

His heart aches, and it feels like a knife is twisting cruelly in his gut. Does Kenny not trust him as much as he claimed to? Were Matt and Nick right, was he just a replacement?

Normally, he wouldn't press Kenny for answers. This was a unique situation though. He can't stand being lied to. Normally Kenny would tell him it was a conversation for later, but he never straight up lied to his face like that.

"Kenny.. tell me the truth, I know something is wrong." He hates how weak and pleading his voice sounds.

"I'm alright, I just spaced out." He says, flatly. There's not a hint of remorse in the lie, and if his breathing wasn't still evening out, he would believe him. Adam frowned, looking away.

How many time's had Kenny go away with lying straight to his face? 

"Are you sure?" He asks again, giving Kenny a chance to be honest. 

"Yeah. I'm just going to take a walk. It usually helps, on days like these." He said. Adam feels his heart crack a little bit. 

He feels a sick. He wishes he was oblivious, and finally understands the meaning of 'ignorance is bliss'. He just nods, deciding it's best not to confront him. He feels uneasy, like he can't get comfortable.

Kenny walks down the hall, pulling out his phone. He walks down the hall, really thinking about what he is going to do. He doesn't really have anywhere else to turn. 

He wanders the streets for a while, eventually sitting on a random park bench. He finally gets the courage to do it.

He calls Kota Ibushi.

He picks up.

There's a long silence, each of them unsure of how to start this conversation.

"Kenny-san?" Kota says, hesitantly. He has to think to refrain from using an affectionate nickname. 

"Hi." He says, gently. His sitting position is hunched, and his back is slightly arched. Kota is quiet for another long moment, and at first Kenny's pretty sure Ibushi hung up on him. He wouldn't blame it, not with how they left things. 

"Um... I don't really know what to say to you, right now. This is... very sudden." There’s hope in his voice, and that’s killing Kenny.

"I need advice." He confessed. 

“Advice?” Kota’s voice was soft, hesitant. All the life had been drained from it. “What do you mean?”

What advice could Kenny possibly need? He had everything he wanted and needed. And now he was a world champion, at the top of his company. A prize that had eluded him for so long. An angry tear splashed onto the phone screen. Kenny had left him, left their relationship in his past. He was allowed to be furious with him.

Kota wasn't a pure and perfect angel, but that wasn’t his point. There had been fights, they had screamed at each other. 

Kenny was a very emotional person. He constantly felt like he was being crushed under the pressure to be the best. He faced so much criticism, and he struggled with it. He was unstable as a heated battery, always on the edge of an explosion. Normally Kota was the one to soothe him. 

Before he was considering leaving with the rest of the Elite, he had never once raised his voice to Kota. The conversation about leaving Japan had devolved into an argument filled with heartbroken shouts and angry tears. 

Kenny had left that same day, and they didn't speak again.

Until now, he supposed. 

“You know me better than anyone ever has. Better than I’ll ever know myself. I don’t know what to do... I feel like everything is collapsing around me. I’m running out of bridges to burn, Bu-san.” 

He was on the edge of tears, and that made something stir in Kota. He couldn’t leave him with a snarky remark. Even if they were no longer together, they still loved each other. He didn’t think that would ever go away.

Things just didn’t work out, and that’s okay.

He has to do the right thing, for Kenny. He swallows his pride. “Well... what is the problem, specifically? I’ve not been keeping up. Tell me everything.”

Kenny gave a lengthy and detailed explanation. Kota listened, asked questions. 

The first thing he knew was that Kenny did truly adore Adam. As jealous as that made him, it also filled him with joy. He went off on a little ramble, explaining why this decision was so important.

“Who is the most important person in your life? Don’t think, just say it.”

“Adam.”

“Exactly. Matt and Nick haven’t been supportive, and Adam has. Matt and Nick are an important part of your past, yes, but I think that Adam is in your future. Follow your heart, Kenny. I’m happy if you are.”

“Thank you, Bu-san.” The nickname is habitual, he couldn’t stop if he tried. “Thank you so much, really. I’ve been going half mad from stress over it.”

“Another piece of advice. Tell him. If you’re stressed he’ll want to know and understand. It’s okay to call me for advice, but he should still know how you feel about everything. He probably knows something’s wrong, and if you insist that you’re fine, he’ll worry. I know I do.”

“You know me so well. I will.”

“All I ask in return is that I’m the best man at your wedding.”

“Of course, that spot was yours already.” They laugh softly together. 

They spend a while reminiscing not as lovers, but as old friends. Laughing at things that had once felt so serious. It feels light-hearted and casual.

“We must come visit, at some point. I’ll fly out for wrestle kingdom, if I can get the time off.”

“Both nights?”

“Of course, I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” He smiled brightly. “I’m proud of you.”

“I’m proud of you too. I mean, you won the biggest title in your company! Where do you go from there?”

The look in Kenny’s eyes grew rather wistful.  
“You know... I’m not quite sure. Maybe I’ll settle down in a few years time. Probably in Japan, if Adam’s okay with it. Assuming we work out.”

“Kenny, you talk about him like- I don’t even have the words, but it’s so sweet I feel nauseous. He’d be an idiot to make my mistake and let you go.”

Kenny laughed. “I see. Well, I should go, and fix my shit.” 

“You really should. I love you.” Kota smiled. It was purely platonic, and they both knew it.

“Love you too, bu-san.” Kenny smiled too. It felt nice to say those words again, and mean them, but not be overwhelmed. To be calm and content, to know how he felt.

There was so much uncertainty, still, but that’s okay, as long as he’s got Adam, he thinks he can make it through. 

Kenny walks back to the hotel, holding his head a lot higher than before. He finds Adam, curled up and upset. He’d been laying there, worried.

“Adam?” He asks, sitting on the bed. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine. Just spaced out a little.” He parroted Kenny’s excuse from earlier, and Kenny winced. He was tripping over words, trying to get what was in his head into coherent speech.

“We need to talk. I want to talk to you, it’s important.” He confessed. 

Adam sat up nervously. “We... we do?”

“Yeah.” Kenny said. “‘Cause I’ve been a shitty boyfriend.” 

“Kenny-“

“Hey, no arguing. Just let me get through this, and promise you won’t jump fo conclusions.”

“I... I promise.”

“I wasn’t telling the full truth when I said I was going for a walk. I was, but the walk had a very specific purpose. I called Kota.”

Adam’s face fell, and he could feel his eyes growing teary. He motioned for Kenny to continue, dreading what may come next.

“I told him that I need some good advice, and he knows me better than anyone. I told him everything, about Matt and Nick and you and how that makes me feel. I explained how I’m caught between you guys, and I asked what he thought I should do.”

Adam’s lip wobbled as Kenny gently cupped his cheek, brushing away the tears. “And he told me, that I should choose you.” 

Adam didn’t know what to do, but he pulled Kenny close, into his chest. He needed the contact.

“And he’s right.” Kenny’s tone was warm and loving. “You’ve been there for me when they haven’t. He told me to tell you when I’m stressed and scared, because it’s hard for you to see me struggle and not understand. I always think I’m hiding it well, but you know me better than that. Sometimes... I don’t understand emotional things like that.”

“I love you.” Adam sobbed out. “You and your weird brain. I love how your eyes sparkle when you smile, I love how you can make me laugh even when I feel like crying. I love how you get distracted by the teeniest things, and I love when you tell me all about whatever you’re obsessed with. I love you and everything that comes with you.”

Kenny’s eyes grew a little misty, as he pulled his love into the gentlest kiss. Despite the softness, you could still feel the love and passion. 

“Sometimes I get scared.” He admitted. “Sometimes it all gets a little too much.” 

For someone like Kenny, admitting those facts aloud is a big development. He’s prideful and stubborn, and all the time in Japan had definitely somewhat impacted his opinions on things like failure and image.

“And... if I think of one person I want by my side when I feel that way... it’s you. Because I love you. Never forget that, alright?”

“I won’t.”

“Hey... Adam?”

“Hm?”

“If I decided to, um... spontaneously suggest getting married... how on board would you be with that?”

“On board? I’d be the captain.”

They laughed together, hands laced together. Everything finally feels right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everybody! I don’t know if you read the tags or not, but if you did, you probably noticed that I tagged it as Autistic/ADHD Kenny.
> 
> I have both conditions, and I really relate to Kenny as a character, not just as a face but even as a heel. I wanted to have some representation, so I’m sorry if your vision of him differs to mine due to this change!
> 
> I thought that racing thoughts and sometimes struggling with emotional things suited Kenny extremely well. It’s not that he is purposely unkind, his brain just isn’t wired to notice certain signals.
> 
> I covered quite a few traits, such as Hyperfixations, racing thoughts, issues with empathy and sensory overload. If anyone else in this community has autism or ADHD, I would love to hear your opinions on this portrayal! 
> 
> I can only speak from my own perspective, so any insight of your own would be much appreciated.
> 
> Thank you all for reading and coming in this journey with me!


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